Mug Shot

At the library, we are promoting adult reading. Read three books, you get a mug emblazoned with the library logo. I myself participated, in the hopes of brandishing my mug as a symbol of my superior intelligence, wit, and dedication (or to bypass the blatant lack of mugs in the staff room). Needless to say, it was a moment for me when I finally pulled out that well deserved mug.

But wait. What is this? A fortune cookie? Probably just a slip that says inspected by number 12. Uh, no. Some materials contained in the ornamentation of this mug have been known to produce reproductive harm.... What the crap. I may not technically require the use of my ovaries anymore but that doesn't mean I feel any less attached to them.

I brought the matter to the lead's attention and it was followed up through the proper channels. End result: distributor reassures District all is well. District believes distributor. Case closed.

Our demographic is largely people of child bearing age. I think I have to practice civil disobedience and 1. not hand out toxic mugs 2. be subtle and wear my hazmat suit or 3. pointedly mention the warning slip while handing them out.

"Here's your toxic mug! Are you pregnant or do you plan on becoming pregnant while in possession of the mug? Please refrain from drinking out of it or touch it more than you have to. Do not remove the warning label. We care about your health. Thanks for participating in the reading challenge. We value your patronage. Congratulations."


overheard: "Say, excuse me, Josee." Loud reply, "Mom, I didn't fart, you did." Regardless of the source, I avoided the aisle.

Question

A woman approached the help desk, "I had this book in college, and I loved it but I lost it. I think it had question in the title and it was a bunch of discussion topics." I was a little nervous about this one. Maybe it was my aura or the magic wand I was carrying but for some reason she thought I could help her out. Just the patron, me and my super looking over my shoulder. I was able to find it thanks to Amazon but, truthfully, I expect it had more to do with luck than skill.

I thought I had it rough until my super shared the following incident. A patron came to my super and said, "I checked out a book but I had to return it before I finished. It's the something life and it has a green cover with a woman in a pink hat." She was able to find it. Now those are some skills. There's a reason she's a super.


Later that day, I stepped into the wine store and felt confident they could help me with my lame request. "I'm looking for a red wine, not sure of the variety, and on the label is a monkey on a rocket." Score: Library 2, Liquor Store 0.

They're Multiplyin'

This is madness. We had kids club last night and an unprecedented 15 munchkins showed up. I typically have 6-8 consistently but they just kept streaming in. It's a good thing my trusty sidekick showed up or it would have been utter chaos.

I have mixed emotions. I love that more kids want to be a part of our group but I can't do as much for so many more. I didn't have time to catch the new kiddos names and they didn't know mine. I'll have to simplify the craft or split the group. Here's hoping it was just a fluke. If not, I suppose I can always teach a class on where babies come from.

Now would be a good time to mention how much I admire public school teachers. I am in awe.

Now were do I get a supersuit? This secret identity thing could come in handy.

We're in the Money

All my hard work has finally paid off. I got a raise. So, to celebrate I'm going to take Patrick out to dinner with my increase. It may be a modest dinner but I like Taco Bell and if we share an item off their dollar menu it won't even put a dent in our bottom line. I worked 4 hours today and at .64 an hour extra... let's see, by my calculations that gives me $2.56. We can each order our own. Bonus.

But don't worry. I'm still the same gal I was. I won't let it go to my head (maybe my thighs but not my head).

Ode to a sod-a

Soda machine, how I'll miss you. Your caffeinated goodness has gotten me through the long hours. Your effervescence soothed my voice after countless pirate imitations. I will miss the curves of your bottle, cool against my finger tips as I trace the beads of condensation down your side. Alas, you have ruined me.

Rats

I knew we should have started with a rock.

And I was so sure we would win.

Ah, well.

Lottso Luck

The lotto is at 105 million dollars. We're feeling optimistic this year, so, we bought 5 lotto tickets. I know the odds are against us but we have The Secret on our side.

A gal at hubby's work swears by The Secret. She envisioned a warm loaf of bread and guess what? Manna from heaven, a neighbor stops by to deliver a warm loaf of bread. I think the author is a closet Star Wars fan. She just packaged the force for middle aged women.

So here's the plan. We're envisioning 105 million dollars in our bank account. That would just about cover the new car we bought. It's got all the bells and whistles. It's an amphibious hovercraft with Wonder Woman invisibility shield. I thought the invisibility was a bit much but it was part of the package.

So here's envisioning.

I wonder if I should have focused the force on a rock first.

proud to be an american

Thanks, Jon Quinionas. You've succeeded in adding a whole new layer to the Ugly American personae. We watched "What Would You Do?" on 20/20. ABC hired actors to portray the Ugly American in Paris. Imagine if you will, the King of Queens in gay Paris.

The Coup de Gras was when Jon came out, trailed by an interpreter, sound tech, and cameraman, shoved a giant microphone in the diner's face and introduced himself. Suprise! This is all a set up. We're really not like that at all.
Classy.

"Bonnie" you needed to apologize. I hope they paid you lots of filthy lucre for your soul. Think of all the Parisians they didn't catch to explain what was going on. Well, on second thought, perhaps that's for the best.

George Bush you can be proud. You know you've made it into the history books when someone compares you to Hitler.

I think we'll skip that vacation in Paris this year.