So Long and Thanks for All the Fish

With the simple touch of a button. The power. Initiate gag reflex. Clear out the office. Unlike popcorn or lasagna with it's come hither aroma, unlike any other smell known to microwave- ah, the mystery that is fish.

Our fearless "Fit for Life" leader has brought fish for lunch twice this week. She was perplexed to find no sign of life in the office when she finished her repast. This is unsettling to a super. She found all of us far, far away, huddled at the front desk breathing shallow but necessary breaths.

Seemingly unaware of the havoc her lunch had wrought on productivity, she quizzed us. "Who's supposed to be on desk? Why are you all out here?" There was no graceful way around it. One brave coworker spoke up. "No offense, but the fish smell's really bad. I can't go back there." She somewhat sheepishly reasserted the directive- "Back to work." Suck it up, buttercup. I can say that because I was assigned to the front desk.

Addendum A: to be added to break room etiquette: Do NOT cook fish in the microwave or there may be a revolt.

Break Room Etiquette

Dear Abby,
A fellow employee came to bookclub with new baby (aw) and hubby in tow. We told her she could use the break room but little did I know she planned a three course family meal in there.

The first time I came in to use the microwave, the baby's bottle was in it. I came back later to find the main course in the micro with veggies awaiting their turn. My baleful look was not enough. She did not get the hint.

"Are you about done there?" She turned from slicing the fruit, "Oh, did you need the microwave?"

I was not loittering around the cozy scene to bask in their one-ness. I wanted my hotwings! Yes, YES, I wanted the microwave. I have 15 minutes to shovel food in my mouth during my break. Out of my way, lady.

Am I being unreasonable? Help!

Signed, Microwave Madame