Speaking Whale

Mumbles called. She wanted to know if her hold for Wicked was on the shelf.
"No hold for Wicked, but I do have The Man Who Loved China."
"That's it. I'll be in to pick it up later."

Pause here. At this point, I'm a bit puzzled. There are no similarities between the two books. None. Okay, I exaggerate- both authors are male.
But The Man Who Loved China was indeed what she called about.

My initial thought was perhaps she needs to be evaluated for Alzheimers. Then a flash of insight. I speak this language- fluently. I have a touch of the absent minded professor about me. Maybe that's too grand. Okay, I'm Dory from Finding Nemo.

I embrace speaking whale and the golden rule because someday? that will be me, calling about The Man Who Found Nemo and I'd appreciate a little respect.

Phone Tag

"Um, its 11:15 and um, I know the library is open. So, I don't know why no one is answering the phone. Um, so, my name is Mnnayan (unintelligible muttering) Reynolds and um, I need you to renew my book The Witches Something, Something, Something. and um, if someone could take care of this and let me know that it's been taken care of um, my number is 555-555-5555."

Yep, oh goody. Mumbling, vague, dissatisfied patron. Library card number? I don't think so. Hmm, nice. Let's see here, Witches Something, Something, Something. Zipp-o. A name search? Reynolds not unique by any stretch. My last, best bet panned out. Phone number. Now for that item... nope not Witches Something, Something at all. Wicked.

I returned her call fifteen minutes later. "You've reached the offices of Unintelligible Reynolds. I'm not able to take your call right now but..." There is a lovely symmetry to it. I left a message of my own.

"Um, so my name is Jenny from the library? and um, I just got your message fifteen minutes ago? I thought someone would be there to take my call but um, anyway...I guess I'll just leave a message and hope someone gets it? and um, tell you Wicked is now renewed."

Miss Nelson is Missing

A co-worker went missing. She was gone for about a month. A card was sent around. I hate those stupid cards. We don't know where she is or what is going on in her life but someone has to trot out THE card.
The type of card you buy in bulk with bad floral watercolor and cheesy, cliche sentiments. This one said "Thinking of you". The card was placed in my box and had already made the rounds. Most people wrote, "miss you" and "come back soon". For all I know, she won the lotto and is cruising in the Mediterranean. I had two choices, don't sign the card and be the lone jerk who didn't even have the decency to sign a card or be a lemming and sign the card with suitably vague tag line.
I signed the card but I sure wish I'd known she had cancer and a hysterectomy.

Change of Address Gripe

A short, stocky woman approached the desk.

"I'd like to get a library card."

She filled out the application while I began input from her drivers license.

"Is this your current address?"
"No, it's on the back."
"Sorry, we can't take handwritten change of address. Do you have anything else with your address on it: checkbook, mail, insurance card, hunting license?"
"No, the DMV said just to write my address on the back."
"Yes, I know, they do that now but we need some other verification."
"This is worse than going to prison."

I laughed a little, offhandedly.

"No, I'm serious."

Prison, not jail, prison. I laughed a little, weakly, in an uncertain, wheezy sort of way. Because really, what else am I supposed to say- that would explain the bad haircut? I'm sure it is harder to get a library card than to get processed for prison. But then, people aren't typically trying to get into prison.

Reads

Here are just a few of the books I've been reading. Sometimes just listing them isn't enough. It feels misleading when I add a book to my list of reads and discover I hate it but such is the reading life. You never really know what you're going to get.

The Worst Hard Time by Timothy Egan: a compelling book that I highly recommend- unless you're teetering on the edge of unemployment during this recession. I just couldn't finish. Vivid descriptions of just what the Dust Bowl entailed and a group of scrappy characters that lived through it.

My secret shame: Twilight & New Moon. I had sworn a solemn vow not to read any of these books. With my head hung low, I admit, I succumbed to peer pressure. Curse you Book Club. Not as bad as I anticipated but certainly not as good as all the hoopla. Pretty sure the book highlighted all the reasons I hated High School (am I the only one that sees the weird new girl wouldn't be hanging with the popular set). Let me rephrase that into a sound bite, all the high school romance and pettiness I dreaded but the werewolf/vampire storyline held my attention.

The Brain that Changes Itself by Norman Doidge: truly fascinating insights into the workings of the brain and its adaptivity. This is a front row seat to scientific discovery. I appreciated the personal stories interspersed with all the technical jargon. I must admit to squeemishness about the descriptions of animal experimentation but the sections are well delineated and you could skip it.

Trivia

It has been painfully, agonizingly slow at work. I'm not good at standby mode. I think mine is broken. So, I've been amusing myself creating slides for the large TV by the help desk. I decided to pop in a few bits of trivia for fun and picked up a few books for reference.

I found myself laughing until tears came to my eyes. Hysterical snorts, the kind you got at 3am watching Strange Brew as a teen. I'm having difficulty gauging the actual funny factor due to the state of my deprivation at the desk.

"The Earl of Oxford exiled himself for 7 years, after he farted in Queen Elizabeth I's presence."

"Would you rather sound like Darth Vader when you breathe or sound like Yoda when you talk?"

I love my job- even when it is slow.