Hey Lady, There's a Whale Over Your Head

Book club gave me a whale to read. It's been hanging overhead for a couple of weeks but I finally finished. Granted it took being stuck in a waiting room for three hours but, hey, who's counting.

Forever by Pete Hamill, you can say that again. I was having flashbacks of skimming similar bonus passages in Moby Dick. I learned more about whaling than I'll ever need but who knows, maybe someday I'll be on Survivor Antarctica.

I feel slightly guilty about even grouping Pete Hamill with Melville.

Poor Pete. How many geriatric walking tours of Manhattan did you have to take to research your novel? I felt your pain.


So, the real question is...

when is it time to cut your book club off?

Woohoo We Broke a Hundred

Thanks, honey. We broke a hundred hits. Sorry about your carpal tunnel.

Freedom of Speech Anyone?

Perhaps I should have started this blog with a legal disclaimer:

All characters are fictional. Any similarities with living or deceased people are coincidental. In case of real life events, creative license has been taken.

I know I'm a bit late chiming in on this but for those of you who haven't yet read it, a Library Associate in Michigan was fired for writing a fictionalized account of her dealings with patrons. Uh, you got that right. Have I mentioned how much I love my job?

The AP article was posted on the bulletin board at my library. I'm stunned. Personally, I thought not disclosing your name, the location of the library, or the patrons' personal information was plenty of protection for those with qualms about confidentiality.

It certainly gave me pause. I don't have a book deal. But the truth of the matter is our lives intersect. My interaction with the public affects me in a personal way and I give voice to my personal musings here. The LA made a good faith effort to protect confidentiality. If anyone damaged that, it was the library itself by drawing attention to the author's identity and verifying that the characters weren't so fictional after all.

While I'm ranting, how 'bout this... The library is a public space. If the patron wanted privacy they wouldn't be jacking off in the library. The last I heard, public nudity was illegal and writing about it was not grounds for dismissal.

Book Burning

I had a brilliant idea for The Big Read display- burn some books. What could be more provocative in a library? I naively thought I'd cull the donated books. My unease grew as I scanned the books. After all, I was entering the realm of Gods. Nothing I saw deserved burning but did it deserve saving? Who was I to judge?

How about this out of date book on Custer's Last Stand? But is history ever really out of date?
Perhaps this book on prayerful living. Narrow appeal, broad base of readers. Too inflammatory? The intention isn't to incite riots.
Ah, this one is a sure bet. It's mildewed and the spine is broken. It's a very old text on nutrition. Surely, the information is inaccurate. But what about it's value as a comparative text? It may be interesting to trace the evolution of nutrition.

Each title was weighed and measured. I was surprised by the complexity of the task.
I finally settled on a skiing book from the seventies (when they still strapped in to hiking boots) and a book explaining the 1997 version of Windows.

I girded my loins, hoisted my lighter, and lit the book up. Only the damn thing wouldn't light. It smoked and let off a noxious odor. It charred a bit around the edges and that was it. I'm sure it will give me cancer. It certainly gave me ulcers. Thanks, Ray Bradbury. You've opened my mind and ruined my body. I'm just not cut out for this dictator crap.

I'll leave you with a poem by the ever controversial William Blake.

The Tyger

TYGER, tyger, burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

In what distant deeps or skies 5
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand dare seize the fire?

And what shoulder and what art
Could twist the sinews of thy heart? 10
And when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand and what dread feet?

What the hammer? what the chain?
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? What dread grasp 15
Dare its deadly terrors clasp?

When the stars threw down their spears,
And water'd heaven with their tears,
Did He smile His work to see?
Did He who made the lamb make thee? 20

Tyger, tyger, burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?

Time to Move to Europe

This month is The Big Read. We are promoting the novel Fahrenheit 451 in our community.

A patron asked the age range for the novel. I replied teen to adult.
"So, would that be okay for an 11 year old?"
"Mmm, probably not."
"She's a very advanced reader."
"It's really more of an adult book."
"Is there any sex in it?"
"No, but there is a man burned alive."
"Oh, that's okay I'm not worried about that. Just as long as there's no sex in it."

Really? That's okay? It's not okay. Come on. Maybe Patrick Henry should have said, "Give me sex or give me death". I'm fairly certain, if given the choice, which he would have chosen.

C'est Triste

It's a sad day when you bar your son from the library. Parenthood is a complicated thing. You try to foster responsibility, honesty, inquisitiveness, hard work, etc. all while expecting love, obedience and respect. I adore my boy but he is 14. After 3 years and a stint in summer school, he still believes ignoring schoolwork is the way to go. In addition to cramming, losing, and misdirection, he's recently added to his repertoire of obfuscation lying to my face.

My boy, why did you have to jump off that cliff--AGAIN. I know homework is hard for you. I truly do understand that a warm, steaming pile of homework stinks. Believe me when I say-- it will only stink worse the longer you wait. You can do this. Asking questions is never stupid but not asking questions could very well make you stupid. Teachers and your parents really do want to help.

Let me reiterate one more thing, if you ignore assignments they will bite you in the butt. You may get away with missing 3 or 4 assignments but that doesn't mean they disappear. They are growing. Take care of it so you can move on.

Call me old fashioned, but I despise dishonesty. Your homework is important but your word is your character. I admire a person with the balls to take responsibility for their actions and if you made a mistake, admit it. Don't compound it with lies.

Despite the missing homework, I am proud of you. Your teachers tell me what a good kid you are. Respectful and polite. That means a lot to me. Now if you could just work on the honesty I'd know you're on the right path.

Oh, and when we say one hour on the computer after your homework is done, that's what we mean-- Any computer.

A Wolf, The God of War and a Comic Strip at Kid's Club

My kiddos are amazing. I'm responsible for the K-2 kid's club and I'll admit I was just a wee bit nervous when I noticed 8 boys on the roster. 8 boys, that's what my grandmother wound up with and we all know how that one ended. Well, maybe you don't but let's just say it had something to do with a dirt track up the stairs for toy trucks, a skunk mistaken for a rabbit, and a corpse (not real) on the pool table. 'nuf said.
It didn't help my anxiety that a cartoon character and the God of thunder were included on the list (that would be Ziggy and Thor).
From the get-go they have been well mannered, eager to learn, and stoked to bring home a craft. I can honestly say these little monkeys are so much fun. It's not just anyone that I would dress in a floral nightgown, quilted peach jacket and wolf tail for. Their eyes lit up when Isabelle, the lone female, pointed out my tail peaking out of the hem of my nightgown. I read Winston the Book Wolf and Do Not Open This Book. The use of language is so tangible in those books, they are fantastic read alouds. Poor little Thor was beside himself that we were going to open-- Do Not Open This Book. They particularly enjoyed the section when I added their names to the story. The ultimate compliment was when my second grader wanted to check out both books. Great bunch of kids. Next week we'll be reading about the tooth fairy.

Assaulted with Teen Attitude

It wouldn't have surprised me if the girl threw herself on the floor, legs and arms flailing, wailing, "I want my library card number!"
They were a cute duo of teens. The blonde and the brunette seemed to come as a set. The brunette was the speaker and the blonde provided the twittering laugh track. The brunette began.

"I, um, forgot my library card, so, if you could just write down the number that would be great."
"Sure, I just need some picture ID- student ID, rec center pass..."
"Well, I can just tell you my name and then you can look it up."
"I can as soon as you show me your ID."
"Well, my name is Jenny Smith. So, can't you just look it up?"
"If you just show me your ID I'd be happy to. I need to verify that you are who you say you are and that you're not just telling me you're Jane Doe, for instance."

Simple logic didn't penetrate the mule-headed girl.

"But I'm not Jane Doe. That's just stupid. I'm Jenny Smith. Look, here's my old library card number- just look up my new one with that."

The stubborn, "but I want" sense of entitlement, persisted despite my best efforts. The condescending tone didn't help matters either. The conversation continued on until she realized I really meant what I said-- no ID, no number. I've outlasted a toddler, I can certainly outlast a teen.

"This library totally sucks. I, like, totally hate it. It is so lame."

Needless to say, she has been back and has assiduously avoided me. Which is too bad because I'd be happy to point out the thesaurus. I believe we even carry a book on Shakespearean insults.