All Day Training- Smells Like Teen Spirit

People Maps. That's right. We got to take another assessment test. I felt like a lab rat. I learned I am a People Free Spirit. Basically, what that boils down to is-the big boss has a building full of people free spirits and no way of relating to them. By the by, I guess I should use the hyphen, lest you think my boss is using a ouija board to communicate with non-human entities at the library. No, no ancient indian burial grounds here.

Just a building full of perceptive, easily bored, "master problem solvers", who just want everyone to do their jobs and let us do ours. We like to start projects but not finish them. Jack of all trades master of none sort of thing. Oh, and let's have fun while we do it. (We don't like 8 hour meetings. Especially compulsory ones, that end in taking everyone's scores to assess the organization.) I can see that information may be a little disheartening for a manager to discover. The bad news is: you were right. We really don't want you around or necessarily need you around. Ouch, that sounds unduly harsh. Let's go to happy hour.

I think the first clue might have been the diverse background of our motley crew: banking, education, law, philosophy, yoga, art, advertising, etc. The good news is: there's a great deal of varied expertise in one spot. Uh, how 'bout we all like doughnuts? Can we agree on that? Just get the variety pack.

George

The car's invisibility shield must be down because this is the second speeding ticket I've gotten in the last month. The officer was very nice.

"This is my dream car. I just love it. That is one beautiful machine. If I had this car, I would love it and wash it and pet it and I would call it George." She stroked the side of the car.

There is something slightly unnerving about a police officer quoting a Bugs Bunny cartoon, fondling your car, and then giving you a ticket. I think maybe she should have paid me.

Sadly, with the economy down and the police department looking to me to augment their budgetary constraints, I've gotta reign in George. It's cruise control for me, baby. Sorry, George, you've been a bad, bad, boy.

SWM Looking for Any

Ten minutes before closing, a man in his 40's leans across the counter and hands me his DVDs. He gets himself comfortable before he begins his "I'm such a sad sack" spiel. The alcohol on his breath left vapor trails. He called up his X-girlfriend on Valentines Day to see if she had a nice time with his best friend. Yada yada yada. I think he was trying to work his magic here. It was all I could do to resist.

Can our computers access singles sites? He then gives me his hook for the singles site. (Which I won't share because why kick a guy when he's doing it just fine on his own and he seems to be enjoying it.) Truthfully, I told him it needed some work, especially the part about the racoon. He assured me that pathetic had always worked for him before. To which I might add: not so much.

Little Laptop Lost

It was bound to happen but the very first one? Stolen, I mean lost. We were trying a new service, letting patrons check out laptops. I guess you can see where this is going. $50 every day it's overdue or $1500 for the laptop. We're at six days and counting.
Either the person moved out of state or this is definitely a dumb criminal moment. Yes, we do require picture ID and proof of a current address when you get a library card. We also require additional ID to check out a laptop. I don't suspect they'd be that hard to track down. That's him, officer, lower right hand side. I always knew there was something funny about that guy and his buddy too.

Ahmed the Cross Dresser

I have a special gift. I'm blessed. People tell me things. Random people. In weird places. Tell me personal things. I can't help it. I don't know why.

The guy at the next table in Taco Bell told me that was his second wife that just left. They're both in the military and are having some marital problems. They'll probably get a divorce but he doesn't want to. The greeter in Wal-Mart told me his neighbor has seven dogs that he hates. Thank goodness they're getting evicted next week. The woman at the return counter pointed to the scratches criss crossing her arms (her legs apparently are worse) and told me she has six cats that scratch her as she sleeps but they don't wake her up unless they bite her big toe. The scratches itch like crazy because cats walk in the litter box and then when they scratch you... (Does she really want me to tell her to lay off the bottle?)

My hubby always wants to know how that came up. I don't know. It just does. My major in college was going to be psychology until I thought better of it. But at least if it had been my career I would have been paid for it and it wouldn't have been nearly as awkward socially.

Maybe the CIA could use my services. Just plop me down in a coffee shop in Istanbul and voila. You know that Ahmed is a cross dresser. Prime blackmail material.

Coolest Most Awesom Libraryn

She is the spitting image of Ramona Quimby. I'd been helping her off and on for a few days. Mom was too absorbed in the computer to help.

We found the Polly Pocket site, I Carly, and a ballerina book she really, really loves. I even got to see her Lord of the Dance, ballerina moves. She wants to be a ballerina when she grows up.

She took a piece of scratch paper and wrote: the coolest most awesom libraryn. Thanks, for the smile Ramona. I wore it the rest of the night. She was so proud, she wanted to show her mom.

Kids are amazing. They are so full of life and it doesn't take much to make them happy. Mine are headed into the teen years and I miss those silly notes, ceramic mystery creatures and produce stickers I invariably forgot I had on. So the next time a kid puts that chiquita banana sticker on your forhead, wear it with a smile. Just keep the giggles to yourself or the authorities may have to get involved.


Kids Club observation: "Hey, these are exactly the same! but opposite!" after reading The 3 Little Pigs and The 3 Little Wolves and the Big Bad Pig.

Gee, Thanks

I'm waiting in line at Wal-Mart when the woman in front of me does a double take and says, "You look just like Sara Palin! Has anyone ever told you that before?"

Actually, no.

After a stunned silence I stuttered something like, "Uh, no. It must be the glasses."

To be more authentic I should have said,"Ohh, good, thank you, yes." --Sarah Palin, after a notorious Canadian prank caller complimented her on the documentary about her life.

I'm low on contacts. Not that this means anything in itself but I've been wearing my glasses a little more these days. I'm not sure what to think but I think I'll schedule that appointment with the optometrist tomorrow. All things considered, I suppose it's better than looking like Hilary Clinton.

Remember Me Forever

"You don't know my name, do you." It was a statement not a question.

He looked at me incredulously. After all, Sugar and Hon only go so far with a five year old. "Sure, I do. You're Rumplestiltskin. No! Pumpernickle Pickle?
I guess not, give a hint."

"It starts with Mat."

"Hmm, (after a suitable pause) it wouldn't be Matthew would it?"

"Will you remember it now?"

"Probably til I'm 93. Will that do?"

"No, you have to remember me forever."

He said it with all sincerity and I hope I do.