Socially Awkward Lessons From An Introvert

The library offers me a new challenge everyday. Part of what I love is the interaction with our patrons. Sometimes a patron will have a difficulty and it's my job to make them feel comfortable. Sometimes I fail miserably in my eagerness but here are a few things I've learned.

Yesterday a regular patron stopped in the library but he wasn't wearing his glasses and I realized he has a lazy eye. I had heard you look at the "good" eye. Well, I tried that but I'm still not sure it was the right one. Which means I'm pretty sure it was the wrong one. Next time, I'll look at the bridge of the nose.

We have patrons who are hard of hearing. Look at them squarely, speak clearly, gestures are helpful.

I've encountered a gentleman with severe stuttering. At the time, I thought I'd help him out by anticipating the end of his question. Now I know, NOT helpful. I'm ashamed I didn't offer him the common courtesy of hearing him out. Next time, I'll do better.

Common hindrances to listening.

1. Having preconceived notions regarding the speaker or the message that taint one’s ability to truly hear what is being said;
2. Anticipating what is being said and thus never actually listening;
3. Contemplating their response while the speaker is talking;
4. Having personal issues or outside distractions compete with the message;
5. Reacting emotionally and thus missing the entire message.

Neukrug (1999)

Small steps in the right direction. In forty years, I'll be omnipotent.

Heat Wave

The "green" heating and a/c at the library is anything but reliable. Typically, I dress like an onion, in layers. I suppose there is something to the stereotype of a librarian wearing a sweater and woolen stockings. Just doing my part to perpetuate that stereotype.

But yesterday, we simmered. At least 80 degrees with no respite in sight. I suppose I could have shucked the sweater and rolled my slacks up to my thighs but as a rule management frowns on "casual Tuesdays".

*Things that make you go hmmm- Our resident handyman quit and today was his last day.

Unwelcome Visitor

"There's a spider back in the fiction." The large man visibly pales and assumes a defensive position behind the desk.

arach·no·pho·bia: pathological fear or loathing of spiders.

"I'll take care a lot of things but spiders are not one of them."

His female coworker went to take a look. There it sat, at eye level, comfortably waiting on a display book- The Unwelcome Guest, like a furry black and yellow gumball. The spider made its escape down the back of the shelves, free to terrify and harass another day. Until our eight legged friend is apprehended, the man will not go into the fiction section.

Dorian Gray and Mrs. X

I attended the same church as Mrs. X and we carpooled together. I gave her kids a tour of the library.
"Bookworm, hi! I was just wondering if you could help me? We live over in unincorporated city and so I can only check out ten items. That makes it really difficult with home school. Sometimes ten just isn't enough. Is there anything you can do about that?"
"Nothing I can do about the designation but if your kids don't have cards you can sign them up and then they're eligible for ten items each, as well."
"Golly gee, that's swell!"
My coworker gave me stink eye and flagged me down after my exchange with Mrs. X. "Did she ask you about checking out more items?"
"Yep, I just told her to get her kids library cards. Why?"
"She came in last night and was so rude. She ranted at two of us about not being able to check out more videos. We neglected to tell her about getting additional cards."

Maximum Security

"Hello, I'm with Top Notch Security Systems. I'll be sending a technician to fix your keypad entry today and I just need to get the entry code from you."
Long pause.
"No, I won't give you the code over the phone but I'd be happy to tell your technician when he gets here."
This is not what he wanted to hear but I dazzled him with my logic. Call me paranoid but it doesn't take a genius to read the note our helpful leader posted on the back door- "Keypad does not work. Top Notch Security will come by today to fix it."

We All Need A Little Romans

A trio of teen girls needed some help. While I was doing a catalogue search for teen A, teen B asks if I knew where "Roman books" were. I gave her my most penetrating stare which seems to make my ears work better. "The Romans?" I clarified. She must have a speech impediment. She turned to her friend for understanding and said,

"you know the Romans books."
"Quit the fake accent."
"It's naught fake!"

Teen girls, dramatic aspirations ding ding ding, ah, romance. After escorting them back to the fiction section, teen A came back to ask where the paperbacks were located.

"The paperbacks are with the Romans in Fiction."

H1N1

These days the kids have one more thing to worry about. A coworker was discussing "Swine Influenza" with her niece.

"You know, Sweetie, it's not called Swine Flu anymore."
She pointed to its new moniker, H1N1, "now, they're calling it this."
"It's the Heinie flu now?!"

So Long and Thanks for All the Fish

With the simple touch of a button. The power. Initiate gag reflex. Clear out the office. Unlike popcorn or lasagna with it's come hither aroma, unlike any other smell known to microwave- ah, the mystery that is fish.

Our fearless "Fit for Life" leader has brought fish for lunch twice this week. She was perplexed to find no sign of life in the office when she finished her repast. This is unsettling to a super. She found all of us far, far away, huddled at the front desk breathing shallow but necessary breaths.

Seemingly unaware of the havoc her lunch had wrought on productivity, she quizzed us. "Who's supposed to be on desk? Why are you all out here?" There was no graceful way around it. One brave coworker spoke up. "No offense, but the fish smell's really bad. I can't go back there." She somewhat sheepishly reasserted the directive- "Back to work." Suck it up, buttercup. I can say that because I was assigned to the front desk.

Addendum A: to be added to break room etiquette: Do NOT cook fish in the microwave or there may be a revolt.

Baby Birds and Ladybugs

An elderly woman extends her elbow and says, "Would you like a ladybug?" "Ladybugs are supposed to be good luck. Are you sure you want to give it away?"

I gently coaxed it from her sleeve and watched it crawl along my hand as I made my way outside. I passed my branch manager on the way out the door (I can only imagine what he was thinking). I made it outside and when I looked again it was gone. I can't remember the last time I took such childish pleasure in a ladybug. Thank you.

After work, I went to pick up my daughter at the park and was immediately surrounded by teenagers. "There's an emergency." I was thinking an emergency along the lines of "I need a ride home".

The girls parted and I could see a boy gently cradling a napkin. He looked for all the world a proud papa as he showed me the tiniest baby bird I have ever seen. No bigger than a quarter, his translucent skin not yet covered by pin feathers, he lay swaddled in the boy's hand.

In the top of an evergreen, we finally found the nest. It was a mound of dried grass with a few candy wrappers added for color. It had no opening or hollow in which to place the baby. The boy carefully used a stick and made a hollow for the baby bird.

I was so touched by the concern these kids had for such a helpless creature. It was beautiful to see the care they took to help the baby bird and the obvious pride and relief when it was over. There's still hope and tenderness in the world. Kids still have it. I'm doubly blessed.
*and that boy has permission to date my daughter.

Break Room Etiquette

Dear Abby,
A fellow employee came to bookclub with new baby (aw) and hubby in tow. We told her she could use the break room but little did I know she planned a three course family meal in there.

The first time I came in to use the microwave, the baby's bottle was in it. I came back later to find the main course in the micro with veggies awaiting their turn. My baleful look was not enough. She did not get the hint.

"Are you about done there?" She turned from slicing the fruit, "Oh, did you need the microwave?"

I was not loittering around the cozy scene to bask in their one-ness. I wanted my hotwings! Yes, YES, I wanted the microwave. I have 15 minutes to shovel food in my mouth during my break. Out of my way, lady.

Am I being unreasonable? Help!

Signed, Microwave Madame

La La La La

Summer is upon us. My Kids Club just ended and as much as I enjoyed the little ones, I was looking forward to a break. It looks like the powers that be have other ideas- other ideas like Twinkle Babies.

Twinkle Babies is a class for the wee little ones, 1-22 months. So, what that means is... now I get to look forward to singing and fingerplays. Singing to a room full of adults and their infants. Singing somewhat nervously and off key with dubious lyrics. I guess this means I can't just mouth wa-ter-me-lon. The babies won't know the difference but the adults might.

Wonder how long it will take them to realize what a truly hideous mistake they've made. Meanwhile, I better bone up on "Rock A Bye Baby" -on second thought maybe not the best action song. "Row Row Row Your Boat" -rats! I only know the "throw your teacher over the boat" version.

Queenie takes on the Swine Flu

Nothing to fear. Queenie is here. She has decided to take on the swine flu because no one is doing anything about it. Who knew she could forestall a pandemic from her apartment building. I don't know about you, but I feel much better. No need to get hysterical.

"This is Queenie. I need you to go to the website for the CDC and get me their phone and fax number. Now, I need the same thing for the World Health Organization, that's W-H-O. There must be a fax number. I have to have the fax number."

**Warning, blatantly false statement follows**

"We need to kill ALL the pigs. It's the pigs that are making us sick. You get swine flu from eating pork."

When my coworker tried to dissuade her from this inaccuracy he got an ear full and then she got a dial tone. When she calls tomorrow, I'm all ready with the president's home number and the Pentagon's phone and fax.