Be Kind to Your Servers

A lovely woman called the library to see why she couldn't download audio books. Alas, she is not a resident. That means she does not contribute to our resource pool. But as a courtesy, we allow use of the facilities and 10 items to be checked out for such patrons.

She was extremely upset by our policy. Her solution was to tell her home library to curtail privileges for our towns patrons. Fair is fair. Indeed.

Had I been feeling a bit more devious, an imperceptible bump in our conversation could have sent us on a different course. I would have been extremely helpful and used the mirroring skills I learned in countless training classes.

I understand your sentiments completely. It must be very frustrating. I am just so sorry you are that unhappy with our services. I'll tell you what I'm going to do for you, I'm just going to go right ahead and delete your account. There. No. No, need to thank me. Happy I could help. You just have a great day! Oh, sure. My name is Bula.

Call me crazy, but there is a reason you are coming to our library. Perhaps a more constructive approach would be to ask your library to update their own system and buy their own e resources.

Oh, and lady would you mind getting out of our meeting room on time. We still close at the same time, every single Friday night. And, yes, there are other places we'd like to be.

Mixed Tape

Back in the day, you didn't make a mixed tape just for anyone. And if you got a mixed tape, it wasn't just a mixed tape, it was a mystery. What exactly did "Sister Christian" mean as the second song on the B side?

So I'm a little confused. A patron has now made me two CD mixes. A Valentine's Day Mix (duplicated from his girlfriend's copy) and an all jazz mix (Get 'er Done Mix-for house cleaning-not making this up).

He makes no secret of his S.O. He seems like a really nice guy. But let's just say I get a gold star when it comes to misinterpreting mixed tapes. It's a miracle I married. So, I'm asking you- weird or nice? What's a gal to do?

On second thought, what does it matter? I'm not a thirteen year old girl anymore. Empathy get thee hence.

Come Out, Come Out Wherever U Are

To the novice Scrabble player, Q is a valuable tile but worthless without U. Some people need you to screw up so they feel valuable.

You know the ones I'm talking about. They are masters of: the eye roll with throaty exhalation, impatient dismissal (hand wave, back turn), public chastisement, "I'm so busy" walk. Ah, the makings of a leader. I just thank my lucky stars she leads no one but herself. With any actual power she would be ruthless.

Sadly, I'm not much good at the games people play but I've been practicing (avoidance mainly). I'm adding to my list of Q no U words. I continue to use my Qwerty keyboard, focus my Qi and tuck a TranQ in my back pocket. I haven't decided yet if it's for me or her.

Disturbing:

Found: mini bottles and condoms in the mens restroom at a member library. Try as I might, there are very few innocuous scenarios that come to mind. I just hope George Michael was visiting and no one told me.

Gone to the Dogs

Perhaps it's a transplant gone horribly wrong. A rather refined gentleman regularly comes into the library with an unusual accessory. I've never seen him without it. I'm a little puzzled because it complicates checking the catalog or holding books. No, it's not a man purse. He carries his little Jack Russell terrier with him. It's not a helper dog unless being an emotional crutch qualifies. I just don't get it.

Strangers

"Strangers are bad people. If I can't see you, they will take you away and do terrible things to you."

The little blond boy stood in front of the fish tank-- surrounded by strangers. This little guy is about four so a bad person would be someone who: takes his toy, hits him, or gets angry with him. What about the nice man that gives him candy and wants his help finding his puppy?

It's essential to teach your kids about "stranger danger" and personal safety but please do it right. A few months ago, I had a lost child of about 6 in the library. I was wearing my badge, I didn't get too close and squatted down to his level to see if I could help. The poor kid was terrified. He said "NO" loudly and sprinted around the library looking for mom.

The world would be a scary place if all strangers were bad people. If nothing else, teach your little one to ask someone at a desk for help or a woman (sorry men, statistically true). They need to know there are good people, too and how to tell the difference.

Schooled by a 6 year old

"That's really cool."
"We don't say cool."
"What do you say then."
"Lots of words. Words like interesting."
What a smarty pants.
I mean, what a precocious child.

The Download

It was only a matter of time. Runescape was the order of the day but now World of Warcraft calls. The boy was at the library again. Not a lot of entertainment options when you have no wheels and live in a small town. As parents, we adhere to Draconian measures and only allow one hour of computer time at the library. Poor boy. It really stinks mom is there to enforce the rules. So an hour and a half later, he's still at the computer. I gave him the boot.

"But mom, it's not done downloading yet. I haven't even gotten to play!"

Sorry, kid. Even if I believed it took an hour and a half to download WoW, you just wasted that time sitting slack-jawed looking at the monitor. Walk ten feet and a world of books is at your fingertips. Not a book? Perhaps a graphic novel to entice you while you wait. I know, I'm old but I still get the appeal. It looks like a cool game but so many of these kids don't even know how to carry on a conversation or entertain themselves without technology. They come in as soon as school lets out and they're there until the library closes. There may not even be a bathroom break. So, sorry kid but I love ya. Now step away from the monitor.

Goosebumps vs. Romance Novels

Don't ask me if Goosebumps is okay for your kindergartner. You know your kid better than I do and I just haven't gotten around to reading them yet myself. My kids didn't read them but they were sensitive to that stuff.

In elementary school, I, myself, was fascinated with all things supernatural. At one point, my folks barred me from any book dealing with ghosts, witches, or vampires at my school library (I'd read most of them anyway). In hindsight, not the best course because then they also had the allure of "forbidden". Not to mention, I had more time to peruse mom's paperbacks with the covers torn off.

Pop Quiz: Which quote is from Goosebumps and which is from a romance novel?

"I shivered and pulled my jacket closer. "Wait up, Terri!" I called. As usual, she had plowed ahead. Graveyards get her all excited."

"The call girl's naked thigh made a sucking sound on the limousine's black leather upholstery as she scooted her miniskirted bottom closer to President-Elect Ferguson."

That Guy

A Regular set off the security on his way out the door and I rechecked his items. He sheepishly pulled a book from his pack. "I checked this one out last time." The book dealt with bipolar kids and he seemed a little embarrassed about it. If the book is for him, which I've learned is a big assumption, he didn't need to be embarrassed. I wanted to reassure him. Say, hey, looks like we're in the same boat. But that's a little like going to the grocery store and having someone comment on your Preparation H. So, I just "rechecked" the book out to him and told him to have a nice day. Sometimes people are just looking for normalcy. They don't want to be "that guy with the bp kid." They just want to be "that guy."

For You

My husband turned forty. I've had him almost as long as his parents did. More often than not, we finish each others sentences. The beautiful thing about being together so long is I know him and he knows me. The trinity: body, mind, and spirit. I have been with him and we have evolved together. We understand each other deeply. I am grateful for his reflection and insights into my life. In good times and bad, he is the truest mirror.
So, I know it's late and to my mind, unfinished but this is for you.


the truest mirror
my interior landscape laid bare
fields both desolate and verdant before you
student of my raging calm seas, both terrible and beautiful
and the peaceful tree at the center where I sit

Easter Craft

Our budget has been slashed and drastic measures need to be taken. But with a little thought and some creativity, I don't think it will affect the quality of the childrens' programming. I've already thought of a fun, inexpensive, craft for easter. One box ought to be plenty. Although, I think I'll have the kids decorate their slippers with bunnies and we'll read books about Peter Cotton Tail. I like to have a nice tidy theme.

Queenie

Now, "Queenie" is well known in the library. There is no last or first name on her license. It just says Queenie (not really but close). A better name could not have been chosen. I had the privilege of talking with her on the phone for 25 minutes. Time stretched and expanded and it seemed an eternity.

She has bugs. A veritable highway across the tendrils of her indoor plants and so many bugs outside! What plants could be planted and what organic home remedies could be used? I need at least five books. They need to be specific. I want one by Rodale Press they're good. Japanese beetles are the worst and aphids, mosquitoes, how about powder mildew? What does it say about that? I heard you can mix up cayenne pepper. What is the exact recipe for that? It has to be organic. I want 5 internet articles printed out on the topic. No, I'll stay on the line. Two heads are better than one. I don't have internet and I don't want my number your computer, I want you to call me when they get in.

Believe it or not, there are actually other patrons that need assistance. I tried to politely extricate myself a number of times but to no avail. She was just getting started. I finally had to be abrupt and end it. Less than a minute later, she called back to say she's pick up the items tomorrow. I did not answer that call. I was catatonic.

I have a natural aversion to telephones and now I'm practically phobic. She's an elderly woman and has difficulty getting around, so, I was more accommodating than usual. If her name is any indication, I would surmise her egocentric attitude is not a new condition. I'd bet she was just as demanding as a spry young thing. I enjoy helping people but I'm not a personal shopper. I'm not here to weed your garden. Ackk! Sorry, felt a rant coming on. Don't call me. I'll call you.

Conundrum

A Million and One Baby Names fell in the bookdrop but a telltale slip of paper peeked from its covers. The last patron left two papers in the book, one titled 'Boy' and the other 'Girl'. Each list had names, meanings and some personal comment (Great Grandfather Alpheus Melvin). I could look up the previous borrower and reconnect them with the list but that's a no no.
I had a crisis of conscience. We agonized over our daughter's name. We were so desperate we even sat through movie credits for ideas. I empathized with the loss of the list. But I also remember my older brother reading the Sunday comics over my shoulder and it drove me wild. In the end, I decided the spector of big brother peering over the patron's shoulder was worse, even if well intentioned. So the list is in lost and found.

Language at the Library

A substantial woman came into the library to report a group of teens, out front, swearing and talking about drugs. She was concerned about the children coming into the library overhearing the language. No, they were not actually in the library. She, herself, swore like a sailor and now her two year old drops the f bomb but still.
So, I steeled myself to confront the terror of teen boys (is there a name for a group of teens? like a gaggle of geese? I think 'terror' works but I digress.) Honestly, I had no real power here. I knew it and if they had a brain between them they knew it. I considered not doing anything. I envisioned a group of red eyed, mall rats eager to prove their prowess.
I mentally expanded into Big Mama, my alter ego in such situations. Listen, you little punk arse, who the heck do you think you are? Using that kind of language in front of little children. Now move that skinny butt on out of here or I'll do it for you.
For whatever reason, this time, Big Mama decided to take a kinder gentler approach. "Hey, listen, guys, can I ask you a favor? There's a patron inside who's concerned about the language. There are little ones that come in and out of the library that might overhear, so, could you tone it down for me?"
"Oh, sorry, my bad. Sure, no problem."
I had to smile a little when I turned and heard, "Dude! You're gonna get us kicked out of here." I underestimated them and Big Mama.

Just a Kid

My boy turned 15. It doesn't seem possible. I remember like it was yesterday, when I went into labor. One thought kept running through my head- I changed my mind. I don't want to do this. Wait, wait, do over.

Now he's fifteen and we only have a few years left until 18 and I keep thinking- wait, do over. I didn't know anything.

He'll be starting drivers ed today. I keep thinking- no, he's not ready. He's just a kid. He'll kill himself. Then, I have a flashback of myself learning to drive and I want to throw myself over the hood of the car. Somehow, I don't think that would prevent him from driving it. I would just be a rather unwieldy hood ornament.

But it's not about me. That's the whole point.

You can't know the joy of riding a bike without a few skinned knees. I had to keep the anxiety out of my face then, too. I had to clean out the gravel, even though I knew it hurt and give him the bike to help him try again.

Buckle up, relax my death grip on the armrest, and breathe. That's my strategy. And please, keep your learning to drive stories to yourself (for a year or so, then I'll have a few to add myself).

He's off. Do you think he'll keep on the helmet?